Fibromyalgia

So here it is: I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I have a lot of emotions about it, mostly relief that a diagnosis has been made, and that the problems I have been having are real and I am not crazy. I am sad that I have a disease that will haunt me for the rest of my life, depressed on days that I can barely get out of bed or off the couch to play with my kids, and I feel defeated on the days that my medications don't even touch the pain.

I am trying to come to terms with my new life-altering news, trying to research and learn how to change my lifestyle to my benefit, trying to learn how to cope. I feel so bad for my kids. No toddler should have a mommy that can't play with them, can't take them places, can't get off the couch some days.

I have been on Percocet for over 6 months now, and I have started Lyrica. I am hoping the Lyrica can help me get through my days so I don't have to rely on the Percocet all the time, the drag of chemical dependency just adds to the despair I feel. I have been working hard to reduce the amount of Percocet I take in a day, and I think I am doing well with it.

When all is said and done, I am happy that I have answers, happy that a diagnosis has been made, happy that I can learn to live with the disease I have and that there is hope.

Have You Ever Just KNOWN?

I have been having a lot of health issues with my girly bits, and my doctor has come to the conclusion that the first step in helping will be to remove my IUD. I am having some very strange thoughts about this, and the most prominent is that I just KNOW that any other birth control will fail and I will become pregnant again, which is the absolute WORST thing that could happen right now. Sure, DJ and I would love to have a little girl some day, but now is just not that time.

So the doc suggests (based on my "age"... because you know, I'm like 90...) that I would benefit from the Depo shot. Sure, it will probably stop my periods all together, but I will probably gain a good 60 pounds, all of which I worked REALLY hard last summer to lose...

I could try the pill, but I would probably forget to take it and wind up pregnant, and then I would feel REALLY shitty because it would be MY fault! I sure don't forget to take my Percocet or Xanax, so why would I forget my oral contraceptive? Simple: Murphy's law. What can go wrong will go wrong.

So, next week, or whenever my body decides to stop being a blood gushing, geyser wanna-be, I will go have a pap and have the ParaGard that has been both a blessing and a curse taken out of my uterus and hope that I don't wind up knocked up again..... Wish me luck!

Thanks, Boys. You Destroyed That.

I haven't written in a while, and there are some things that have been irking me lately. Mostly the fact that everything I own is ruined... well, almost everything.

Having two toddlers (3 and 2) is not good for my possessions. I bought a flax seed warming bag from a holistic show yesterday, and this morning my 3 year old decided it would be a great idea to put it in the dog's water bowl while I was in the bathroom. $10.00 wasted. Thanks, Ethan.

To date, I can't even say exactly everything that my children have ruined, but I can try. First thing that comes to mind is my body. Thanks, boys. You destroyed that.

My brand new flax seed warming bag, thanks, boys. You destroyed that.

My Canon digital camera.... thanks, boys. You destroyed that.

3 SD cards.... thanks, boys. You destroyed those.

My 2 year old sectional.... thanks, boys. You destroyed that.

My dvd player.... thanks, Ethan. You destroyed that.

My area rug for the living room.... thanks, boys. You destroyed that.

The carpet in both boys' bedrooms.... thanks, boys. You destroyed that.

Various walls throughout the house.... thanks, boys. You destroyed those.

Various CDs and DVDs.... thanks, boys. You destroyed those.

My living room curtains.... thanks, boys. You destroyed those.

Numerous cell phones.... thanks, boys. You destroyed those.

The keys on my keyboard.... thanks, Liam. You destroyed those.

My wireless mouse.... thanks, boys. You destroyed that.

Numerous pairs of earbuds.... thanks, boys. You destroyed those.

As of now, these are all I can think of, but more things have been destroyed, I'm sure, that I can't think of right now. For future reference, my sweet and adorable sons, when you are teenagers and I "accidentally" wash your cell phone, or "accidentally" drop your laptop (or whatever type of electronic device is used that far in the future), and you decide I am the worst mom in the world, I will indeed remind you of everything of mine you have destroyed.